1. Unlike Batman (a.k.a. millionaire Bruce Wayne) Peter Parker is not a member of the 1%. Seriously: somebody from the 1% is going to save us all? I don't think so.
2. Spiderman has at least one shameful secret: his irresponsible behaviour allowed the death of his gentle Uncle Ben and the tragic widowing of Aunt May. Spiderman fucked up, just like the rest of us.
3. Spiderman acquired his superpowers by being bitten by a radioactive spider. Hell, that could happen to anyone -- leaving hope for the rest of us . . .
4. Spiderman's mask has no mouth. Just two huge eyes. How cool is that?
5. Look: Superman is from Krypton. Not that I have anything against immigrants, but they do tend to come here and take the best jobs . . .
6. Peter Parker is even more neurotic than I am. How can I not be sympathetic?
7. Think about Batman again: a Bat cave, a Bat computer, a Batmobile, a Bat nuclear reactor, an oh-so-jejune sidekick and an old-style English butler. A bit much, don't you think? These things cost money, and a lot of it is very hard on the environment. Spiderman goes it ALONE in a bargain basement lab where he CLEANS UP AFTER HIMSELF.
8. Spiders. How cool is that? But Green Lantern? What is that supposed to connote? Environmentally sound lighting systems? Very nice. The bad guys are shaking.
9. Swinging from a thread takes grace and style. Flying is just a creative cop-out. Really. I mean, after that there's nowhere to go but to "invincible" status like Captain Scarlet.
10. Considerate Spiderman lives with his aunt and keeps a protective eye on the old lady, even though she is a perpetual guilt trip and drama-queen pain in the ass. On the other hand, Superman spends his spare time in his lah-di-dah "Fortress of Solitude," brooding on his tiresome existential angst, no doubt.
Original Caption: How Germany is being disarmed. These planes are waiting to be scrapped.
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